Still trying...

Still trying- putting one foot in front of the other. Friends say this is the first day since the 18th that I have even began to look like myself- so maybe we are turning a corner????
I am worried about Chase. He seems withdrawn-I am trying to find a balance between letting him have space to grieve and hurt and making sure he is ok - it is tough!! I am clinging to God- who is loving and kind and understanding in my anger and sorrow!!!
Yes, I am angry and yes, if I am honest I want the house of cards to fall down around him!! But I am struggling with my responsibility. My responsibility to this other women and child, who have been betrayed as badly as I have. God, how many more lives will he be allowed to destroy. How many more souls will he be allowed to damage!
If only someone had been kind and concerned enough to tell ME and Chase the truth. Whether that be 14 years ago- 14 months ago or 14 days ago....( thank you God for the person that DID tell my in YOUR time!!! )
I know that God has sustained us and protected us for a reason. And I might not ever understand why???? Chase told me yesterday that I needed to look at this as a blessing ( thank you God for such a amazing child you have blessed me with!!!)- and I know that this is all for HIS glory and ALL things will be for our good. I feel God has protected us from the enemy in a way that gave Chase time to be strong enough to see the evil for what it is and to have the courage to stand up to it -no matter the cost to him. I am praying for my child! That God will put GOOD GODLY men in his life to have something to model himself after!! That he can see what it is like to live as an honorable man, husband and father!

James Robinson- today
Jennifer Rothchild and Jentzen Franklin

Jennifer:
Habakkuk asked that when he realized that he was about -- that his people were about to be attacked by the Chaldeans. He said, "God, are you even there? Do you not realize that I'm about to get pounced by the enemy?" I think we ask those questions.
And then we also ask, "Do you really care, God, that this is happening? Are you even here?"
Jentezen:
What you're talking about is the unexplained absences of God. When you need him so bad and he is not there apparently.
And what you have to come to realize is that he is faithful -- he is faithful when we understand -- see God doesn't give -- most of the time, he doesn't give explanations but he always gives promises because you can't live always off an explanation but you can off a promise.
Job asked 360 questions. He asked more questions than any other person in the Bible. The whole book of Job was written for one purpose, to say that faith in God is better than an answer.
Sometimes we just have to say, "Lord, I believe you even if I don't understand anything you're doing."
Jennifer:
Yeah! Because it is that concept we're so governed so often by our feelings, by our emotions. And boy, do they get strong when we are in a deep, deep hole or things are difficult.
But there is real liberty when we learn to trust God like Job did more than we trust our feelings. If we can make that paradigm shift as believers in Christ and Christ followers, to trust God more than we trust our feelings, to live our lives based on revelation, on the promises, based on just reason and what we understand and what we don't understand, I think we experience liberty that transcends our loss and our circumstances.

Habakkuk 2 (Amplified Bible)

1[OH, I know, I have been rash to talk out plainly this way to God!] I will [in my thinking] stand upon my post of observation and station myself on the tower or fortress, and will watch to see what He will say within me and what answer I will make [as His mouthpiece] to the perplexities of my complaint against Him.
2 And the Lord answered me and said, Write the vision and engrave it so plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may [be able to] read [it easily and quickly] as he hastens by.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day.
4 Look at the proud; his soul is not straight or right within him, but the [rigidly] just and the [uncompromisingly] righteous man shall [a]live by his faith and in his faithfulness.
5 Moreover, wine and wealth are treacherous; the proud man [the Chaldean invader] is restless and cannot stay at home. His appetite is large like that of Sheol and [his greed] is like death and cannot be satisfied; he gathers to himself all nations and collects all people as if he owned them.
6 Shall not all these [victims of his greed] take up a taunt against him and in scoffing derision of him say, Woe to him who piles up that which is not his! [How long will he possess it?] And [woe to him] who loads himself with promissory notes for usury!
7 Shall [your debtors] not rise up suddenly who shall bite you, exacting usury of you, and those awake who will vex you [toss you to and fro and make you tremble violently]? Then you will be booty for them.

Habakkuk 3
1 A PRAYER of Habakkuk the prophet, set to wild, enthusiastic, and triumphal music.
2 O Lord, I have heard the report of You and was afraid. O Lord, revive Your work in the midst of the years, in the midst of the years make [Yourself] known! In wrath [earnestly] remember love, pity, and mercy.

18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!

19The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! For the Chief Musician; with my stringed instruments.