I Still Can't Understand!!!!!!!!!!

I still can't understand HOW anyone can do this to someone. I have tried hard not to comment about this huge mess on the blog and just use it to reaffirm everything the Lord is giving me, but I am struggling so much!!!!!!!!!! I just can't understand how and WHY anyone would do this to one family- much less two. So many lies....
And that is what I am struggling with the most! The lies have been bombarding me, slapping me time and again across the face! Every where I look I see him standing there- telling me more and more lies! HUGE monstrous lies! Huge EVASIONS of truth ( oh my gosh- the car seat covers even.... the reason he didn't want the dog on him.......stuff you wouldn't even need to lie about...the computer that he brought INTO our home that I am sure had stuff ALL over it.... it goes on and on..... NOT JUST THE ACTIONS AND WORDS.......... but the total manipulation of me and Chase- and EVERYONE in his world!!! And NOW I have to believe that none of the things that really mattered from the time we first started having problems was ever the truth!! Feb of 1995- IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD ONLY TOLD ME THE TRUTH THEN!!!) The fact that I REALLY believed him when he said I was his one and only ( as late as 2/11/2009 horrifies me and makes me sick to my stomach! I see him acting out these lies in front of Chase and that crushes me even more.... to know that CHASE believed him also!
How will my son ever know how to be the man of honor that I KNOW he is supposed to be if THIS is all he has to model anything after!?????????????!!!!!!! How will my son ever know how to be a father- when his has all but tossed him aside like garbage??????????!!!!!!!!!!! I can not understand it- and HOW after both Chase and I confronting him that we both knew the truth now................HOW CAN HE NOT APOLOGIZE FOR HURTING THAT WONDERFUL AMAZING CHILD! I just can't understand!


Lyrics from the song Here I AM....

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began...

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can."