Got in touch with an old friend that I haven't spoken to in about 14 1/2 years tonight via facebook. It was a blessing... a hard one... but a blessing. She was in England with us and we became fast friends... we had our kids 6 months apart- and then because of the way we left England I allowed that friendship to drift away. See... that brought back bad memories of the England mess... and I chose poorly- to turn aside from that and move forward. Oh- but how hind sight is 20/20- I lost my marriage and a friendship.
But thanks to facebook- we have found each other.
I actually found her a few weeks back- but couldn't come to bring her up to date.
I know that this MESS is not my fault... and I should have NO shame... but it is hard... even to just hit on the high points- to catch someone up over the past 15 years is painful. Gut-wrenchingly so!
Anyway- she is caught up! blown-away-- but caught up! It is amazing at what people will say when they know you are now longer with a person --- how much they disliked him and thought he was SO full of himself.... how often I have heard that.... WHY COULD THEY NOT TELL ME THEN..... AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY COULD I NOT SEE IT!!!!!!!
Anyway- it was nice to get in touch with old friends and hopefully the next visit- we can focus on her! She was always amazing! Always with the go-get-um attitude that I loved and was amazed about! She has had another child and her and her husband seem so happy! and I am happy for them.... maybe someday... God will bless me with that kind of contentment.... if it is HIS will....BUT first... I must heal.
And I think that getting in touch with lost friends is part of that. Part of my healing journey. Hopefully God will direct my steps of who I need to reconnect with. I have been blessed and have an abundance of friends... from all walks of life... young and old... that have made my life full and meaningful! Thank you God for Old Friends!!! and the new ones you have waiting in the wings!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Praising God For Closed Doors
Emailed to me thru The Daily Encourager 4/24/2009
The Daily Encourager
Praising God For Closed Doors
Author Unknown
Apr 24, 2009
Encourager Classic: Praising God For Closed Doors
We need to learn to praise the Lord as much for a closed door as we do an open door. The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us. If he didn't close the wrong door, we would never find the right door.
God directs our path through the closing and opening of doors. Once a door closes, it forces you to change your course. Another door closes, it forces you to change your course again. Then, finally, you find the open door and you walk right into your blessing.
The Lord directs our paths through the opening and closing of doors, but instead of praising him for the closed door (which keeps us out of trouble); we get upset because we "judge by the appearances."
You have an ever-present help in the time of trouble that is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of you, He can spot trouble down the road and set up a roadblock or detour accordingly. But through our lack of wisdom, we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour sign. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying, "Lord, how could You have done this to me?"
We have got to realize that the closed door can be a blessing. Didn't He say that no good thing would He withhold from them that love Him?
If you get terminated from your job, praise God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves: it might be another job, it might be school.
If that man or woman won't return your call, it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go).
One time, a person had a bank they had been in business with for many years tell them "No!" to a $10,000 loan. The Lord put in their spirit to call another bank. That bank gave them $40,000 at a lower interest rate than the first bank was offering.
We can sometimes trap ourselves in doubt and discouragement through judging by appearances. Be grateful for the many times our Father has closed doors to us just to open them in the most unexpected places. The Lord won't always say in spoken words: "Go to the left, now to the right" ...sometimes He will just close the doors that are wrong for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him - and He will direct your paths. (Prov. 3:5-6)
THANK YOU GOD FOR BRINGING ME EMAILS AND BLOGS... (EVEN ADDING MY LIFE VERSE....
NICE TOUCH ABBA FATHER...:) )
AND FOR CLOSING DOORS!!!!!
The Daily Encourager
Praising God For Closed Doors
Author Unknown
Apr 24, 2009
Encourager Classic: Praising God For Closed Doors
We need to learn to praise the Lord as much for a closed door as we do an open door. The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us. If he didn't close the wrong door, we would never find the right door.
God directs our path through the closing and opening of doors. Once a door closes, it forces you to change your course. Another door closes, it forces you to change your course again. Then, finally, you find the open door and you walk right into your blessing.
The Lord directs our paths through the opening and closing of doors, but instead of praising him for the closed door (which keeps us out of trouble); we get upset because we "judge by the appearances."
You have an ever-present help in the time of trouble that is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of you, He can spot trouble down the road and set up a roadblock or detour accordingly. But through our lack of wisdom, we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour sign. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying, "Lord, how could You have done this to me?"
We have got to realize that the closed door can be a blessing. Didn't He say that no good thing would He withhold from them that love Him?
If you get terminated from your job, praise God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves: it might be another job, it might be school.
If that man or woman won't return your call, it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go).
One time, a person had a bank they had been in business with for many years tell them "No!" to a $10,000 loan. The Lord put in their spirit to call another bank. That bank gave them $40,000 at a lower interest rate than the first bank was offering.
We can sometimes trap ourselves in doubt and discouragement through judging by appearances. Be grateful for the many times our Father has closed doors to us just to open them in the most unexpected places. The Lord won't always say in spoken words: "Go to the left, now to the right" ...sometimes He will just close the doors that are wrong for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him - and He will direct your paths. (Prov. 3:5-6)
THANK YOU GOD FOR BRINGING ME EMAILS AND BLOGS... (EVEN ADDING MY LIFE VERSE....
NICE TOUCH ABBA FATHER...:) )
AND FOR CLOSING DOORS!!!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Fear vs. The Voice of Truth
Ok-- God is so amazing--- and I learn more everyday! Don't stop God... I promise I am trying to take it all in.
I have FEAR issues.... I never knew how deep rooted.... or to what extent.... or even did I realize until these last few weeks that I have spent the past 14+ years of my life, totally making EVERY decision I made based in/on fear. Fear of what another person might do or think. How he might react to a decision that I might make - or an action I did or didn't do. I never realized all the blame that had been, oh so subtly, placed on my shoulders to carry.... nor did I realize how willing I carried it. (ok-- God just gave me the picture of the camel-- the one from the retreat almost 1 year ago to the day... neat God-- sorry that I am such a slow learner....)
Anyway I was watching Creflo Dollar today- a show I very rarely watch ( thanks God)and he was speaking on fear.
He referenced Job 3:25
To step out of my comfort zone
But the waves are calling out my name
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
Oh what I would do to have
But the giant's calling out my name
But the stone was just the right size
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth!!!
I have FEAR issues.... I never knew how deep rooted.... or to what extent.... or even did I realize until these last few weeks that I have spent the past 14+ years of my life, totally making EVERY decision I made based in/on fear. Fear of what another person might do or think. How he might react to a decision that I might make - or an action I did or didn't do. I never realized all the blame that had been, oh so subtly, placed on my shoulders to carry.... nor did I realize how willing I carried it. (ok-- God just gave me the picture of the camel-- the one from the retreat almost 1 year ago to the day... neat God-- sorry that I am such a slow learner....)
Anyway I was watching Creflo Dollar today- a show I very rarely watch ( thanks God)and he was speaking on fear.
He referenced Job 3:25
For the thing which I greatly fear comes upon me, and that of which I am afraid befalls me.
And then he said the most powerful statement:
When you operate in fear, it actually connects you to the thing you are afraid of.
WOW!!!!!!!
What an amazing statement.... one that shook me to my core.... I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR ANYMORE..... AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I DO NOT WANT TO BE CONNECTED TO him ANYMORE!!!
Anyway he went on to speak that all fear is centered in unbelief... so, if that is true I am saying that I do not believe that my God is big enough, strong enough, loving enough to take care of me and conquer "him".....
IT IS TIME FOR SOME SERIOUS MIND and HEART ADJUSTMENT!!!!!!!!!
I had never thought of fear like that before....
and then..... God is just the neatest!!!..... - He really is amazing me so much these days ( sorry God-- I know that your miracles have been surrounding me everyday -all my life-- sorry I have missed seeing so many of them!!!) anyway.... I digress... Carolyn... my SS teacher came up today-- I was at lunch-so I missed her... but I called her to tell her to have a safe trip and to tell her I was sorry I missed her and I told her that I heard Creflo Dollar speak on fear today and it really made an impact on me. And YEAH GOD-- what does she do... she quoted Job 3:25 ( the exact verse that was on Creflo today...) and then spoke about how fear was really just unbelief!!!! ( see my GOD KNOWS I need repletion!!!lol-- keep it up God--keep it up!!!)
Anyway- I believe it is time that I dig in and re-evaluate what all I DO NOT need to fear..... especially 'him' and step out of the way and let my BIG, AWESOME, AWE-INSPIRING, MAGNIFICENT FATHER go to work on my behalf!! I want to get rid of my unbelief God... please bring the people, places, blogs, and circumstances into my life to show me all I need to learn! and ( referencing the retreat 1 year ago today...... TRANSFORM me into that butterfly!!!!!)
VOICE OF TRUTH-- CASTING CROWNS
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says,
"This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen
to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth!!!
Nitty Gritty Blog- amazing
http://jodyferlaak.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-just-have-to-say-it.html
From another amzing blog I follow-- Nitty Gritty- thank you Lord for the ones that went before me, to the ones YOU have led me to and to the future where He promises to make all things new!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I just have to say it.
Faith is hard!I have people say to me from time to time, "I wish I had a faith like yours". I hesitate to tell them the truth, and that is that faith comes through trials and adversity, more often than not. My own faith has grown more in times when my world is falling apart than it ever has when things are going well and life is rosy. The times when I've had no strength to stand on my own, I've had to turn to someone. He has been there without fail, every single time. And my faith has increased.When I've needed Him most; when there have been no answers; when tears and anger and sorrow consumed me, my faith has been enlarged and peace has flooded my soul.Even though I have had to cling to my faith, it still is a hard thing for me to accept that sorrow and suffering are ways that God chooses to reveal Himself to us at times. I wish there were 'easier ways'. I wish that we could call on Him and He would snap His fingers or whisper a healing word and all would be right again.But that's not the way God works. Although He can and He does sometimes. More often than not though, His ways are not the way we would choose or expect them to go. He has a plan and He has given us His Promise that He will make all things new. He is preparing a Heaven for us that will be a place without mourning, sorrow or pain. He holds us in His hands right now, and simply asks us to trust His ways.I will be the first to admit that there's no better place to be than resting in His hands- trusting fully in His promises- but it's still hard. It's very, very hard. But I trust. I rest in His promises.I hold fast to the reality that there is more to this life than that which we can see.There is Hope, and not just hope for tomorrow.But Hope eternal.And that, my friends, makes faith worth the pain and struggle and gives cause to endure.He is Faithful.He is Love.He is Hope.My heart is thankful that He is more than enough. He is all I need.
From another amzing blog I follow-- Nitty Gritty- thank you Lord for the ones that went before me, to the ones YOU have led me to and to the future where He promises to make all things new!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I just have to say it.
Faith is hard!I have people say to me from time to time, "I wish I had a faith like yours". I hesitate to tell them the truth, and that is that faith comes through trials and adversity, more often than not. My own faith has grown more in times when my world is falling apart than it ever has when things are going well and life is rosy. The times when I've had no strength to stand on my own, I've had to turn to someone. He has been there without fail, every single time. And my faith has increased.When I've needed Him most; when there have been no answers; when tears and anger and sorrow consumed me, my faith has been enlarged and peace has flooded my soul.Even though I have had to cling to my faith, it still is a hard thing for me to accept that sorrow and suffering are ways that God chooses to reveal Himself to us at times. I wish there were 'easier ways'. I wish that we could call on Him and He would snap His fingers or whisper a healing word and all would be right again.But that's not the way God works. Although He can and He does sometimes. More often than not though, His ways are not the way we would choose or expect them to go. He has a plan and He has given us His Promise that He will make all things new. He is preparing a Heaven for us that will be a place without mourning, sorrow or pain. He holds us in His hands right now, and simply asks us to trust His ways.I will be the first to admit that there's no better place to be than resting in His hands- trusting fully in His promises- but it's still hard. It's very, very hard. But I trust. I rest in His promises.I hold fast to the reality that there is more to this life than that which we can see.There is Hope, and not just hope for tomorrow.But Hope eternal.And that, my friends, makes faith worth the pain and struggle and gives cause to endure.He is Faithful.He is Love.He is Hope.My heart is thankful that He is more than enough. He is all I need.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
More lessons learned from blog-land
This is from one of my favorite blogs-- by a very SPECIAL person that has been thru her own horrific pain this last year. She has blessed me so... and still does.... again... not sure how I came across her blog- but she is a true blessing to many! Again-- I hope the authors do not mind me capturing there words on my blog... I hope to one day look back and see the journey that God has brought me thru with all these daily walks...
You can find sweet Angie and her story here....
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
here she is discussing how she was reading the Easter story to her girls and God gave her a new revelation... one which I admire and hope to learn from:
They nailed Jesus to the cross.
"Father, forgive them, " Jesus gasped. "They don't understand what they are doing."
"You say you have come to rescue us!" people shouted. "But you can't even rescue yourself!"
But they were wrong. Jesus could have rescued himself. A legion of angels would have flown to his side-if he'd called.
"If you were really the Son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!" they said.
And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop. Like when he healed the little girl. And stilled the storm. And fed 5000 people.
But Jesus stayed.
You see, they didn't understand. It wasn't the nails that kept Jesus there.
It was love.
For some reason, I hadn't quite thought it through in those terms, and I was rendered speechless by the infinite power that was denied for the sake of love.
It is, for me, one of the simplest and most powerful ways to present the Gospel, even stretching into our lives today.
"Angie, why do you choose to be crucified with Christ? You have the choice to abandon it all...just walk away and say that this whole thing is too hard. You need a break. You aren't strong enough to feel the scabs forming over and the taste of blood in your mouth..."
Suddenly it was very clear to me that it has never been the nails that held me here.
It has been love.
Deep, desperate, longing love for the One Who was mocked on my behalf. And worse yet, I have been that voice at times in my life.
And this year, I realized that since the day I first heard His name, I had two choices.
Be crucified with Him, or climb down.
I have felt the sting of death deeply, for the first time in my life, and there was never the option to walk away. Not because I couldn't, but rather, because I was blessed in the most unexpected way to invite the nails that held me to Him.
"Sweet child. The nails are not enough to hold you here. You can only live the life I am calling you to through the love I have given you. The love which now has taken up residence in your very being, and makes the wounds bearable..."
He beckons us to nestle deep into the brokenness and find inexplicable comfort. He woos us to touch His bleeding side so we will know that we are not alone.
I can tell you that I have done this, and I have been rescued from a pit so deep I could not fathom a way out of it. You may be down there right now, begging for mercy and for relief. I understand, and I hurt for you, but this year, I have learned about a part of myself I didn't know existed, and as crazy as it sounds, I want you to think about it and see if it makes any sense to you.
We who are followers of the King must daily wake up and look in the mirror, seeing our reflection with a crown of thorns balanced on our heads. We must feel the burden of the cross at different points in our life, and with the power of Christ Himself, we will look solemnly back at ourselves and say, "I am choosing to bear the crown because I cannot live without the love..."
That's easy to say, isn't it? Will you trust me enough to try it? Tell Him, the One who knows your deepest fears and most secret desperation, that you are choosing the thorns. Everyday.
And one day, not so far from now, I believe we will be made complete, and pain will cease completely.
Oh, Lord, come quickly.
But until then, make your life an offering, and allow the hands of the Father to carry You through what you think is impossible.
I assure you that through it, He will show You His boundless, freeing love, which allows us the strength to make it another day.
And another day.
And then, one glorious day, He will call for us.
I can't prove it to you, but I know it deep, deep within myself.
The stone has been moved.
He is Risen.
And I love Him, even in the excruciating pain I feel. Honestly, if you are trying to pursue relationship out of forced conviction, you will miss out on the glory of falling in love with the Maker of your soul. There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you.
Because, you see, the thing about the nails in this life is that they are temporary. We choose to bear them because we know that we will lay our crowns at His feet in the blink of an eye. We will join Him for eternity, and will worship the One Who was scarred on our behalf.
I am praying for each of you as you arise tomorrow morning. I am praying that you will see the crown of thorns as a promise. Yes, it is painful, and yes, sometimes we struggle under the weight of it, but no, it will not defeat us.
And that is a promise I needed to remember as I celebrated what would have been Audrey's First Birthday. It isn't something superhuman or overly spiritual, just the daily remembrance of a life lived out off the depths of love.
We praise Your name, Lord. For You are Who You say You are.
And that is enough.
Thank you Angie.... for sharing your heart!
You can find sweet Angie and her story here....
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
here she is discussing how she was reading the Easter story to her girls and God gave her a new revelation... one which I admire and hope to learn from:
They nailed Jesus to the cross.
"Father, forgive them, " Jesus gasped. "They don't understand what they are doing."
"You say you have come to rescue us!" people shouted. "But you can't even rescue yourself!"
But they were wrong. Jesus could have rescued himself. A legion of angels would have flown to his side-if he'd called.
"If you were really the Son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!" they said.
And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop. Like when he healed the little girl. And stilled the storm. And fed 5000 people.
But Jesus stayed.
You see, they didn't understand. It wasn't the nails that kept Jesus there.
It was love.
For some reason, I hadn't quite thought it through in those terms, and I was rendered speechless by the infinite power that was denied for the sake of love.
It is, for me, one of the simplest and most powerful ways to present the Gospel, even stretching into our lives today.
"Angie, why do you choose to be crucified with Christ? You have the choice to abandon it all...just walk away and say that this whole thing is too hard. You need a break. You aren't strong enough to feel the scabs forming over and the taste of blood in your mouth..."
Suddenly it was very clear to me that it has never been the nails that held me here.
It has been love.
Deep, desperate, longing love for the One Who was mocked on my behalf. And worse yet, I have been that voice at times in my life.
And this year, I realized that since the day I first heard His name, I had two choices.
Be crucified with Him, or climb down.
I have felt the sting of death deeply, for the first time in my life, and there was never the option to walk away. Not because I couldn't, but rather, because I was blessed in the most unexpected way to invite the nails that held me to Him.
"Sweet child. The nails are not enough to hold you here. You can only live the life I am calling you to through the love I have given you. The love which now has taken up residence in your very being, and makes the wounds bearable..."
He beckons us to nestle deep into the brokenness and find inexplicable comfort. He woos us to touch His bleeding side so we will know that we are not alone.
I can tell you that I have done this, and I have been rescued from a pit so deep I could not fathom a way out of it. You may be down there right now, begging for mercy and for relief. I understand, and I hurt for you, but this year, I have learned about a part of myself I didn't know existed, and as crazy as it sounds, I want you to think about it and see if it makes any sense to you.
We who are followers of the King must daily wake up and look in the mirror, seeing our reflection with a crown of thorns balanced on our heads. We must feel the burden of the cross at different points in our life, and with the power of Christ Himself, we will look solemnly back at ourselves and say, "I am choosing to bear the crown because I cannot live without the love..."
That's easy to say, isn't it? Will you trust me enough to try it? Tell Him, the One who knows your deepest fears and most secret desperation, that you are choosing the thorns. Everyday.
And one day, not so far from now, I believe we will be made complete, and pain will cease completely.
Oh, Lord, come quickly.
But until then, make your life an offering, and allow the hands of the Father to carry You through what you think is impossible.
I assure you that through it, He will show You His boundless, freeing love, which allows us the strength to make it another day.
And another day.
And then, one glorious day, He will call for us.
I can't prove it to you, but I know it deep, deep within myself.
The stone has been moved.
He is Risen.
And I love Him, even in the excruciating pain I feel. Honestly, if you are trying to pursue relationship out of forced conviction, you will miss out on the glory of falling in love with the Maker of your soul. There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you.
Because, you see, the thing about the nails in this life is that they are temporary. We choose to bear them because we know that we will lay our crowns at His feet in the blink of an eye. We will join Him for eternity, and will worship the One Who was scarred on our behalf.
I am praying for each of you as you arise tomorrow morning. I am praying that you will see the crown of thorns as a promise. Yes, it is painful, and yes, sometimes we struggle under the weight of it, but no, it will not defeat us.
And that is a promise I needed to remember as I celebrated what would have been Audrey's First Birthday. It isn't something superhuman or overly spiritual, just the daily remembrance of a life lived out off the depths of love.
We praise Your name, Lord. For You are Who You say You are.
And that is enough.
Thank you Angie.... for sharing your heart!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Hmmm.... there's your sign..... :)
Ok- first a big thanks to all who prayed me thru today's initial counseling session. I DID NOT FALL APART!!! THAT IS HUGE FOR ME!!!! I am a very emotional person anyway... and with the "MESS" things are all magnified!! BUT my God is a BIG God!!! and HE is seeing me thru! Praise God!!!!!
It was hard to walk thru those doors- but I had a peace. ( after much deep breathing and claiming God as my King!!) My God IS a BIG GOD!!!! And I know that He is leading me down roads and thru doors to reclaim what is MINE and make memories that are not riddled with hurtful thoughts from the past. They say to conquer you can't just forget- you have to replace... and I am READY TO REPLACE ALL OF THESE HORRIFIC MEMORIES!!!!
Anyway, the counselor seem nice, ( I am wondering if he is too nice... I need someone to give me a swift kick in the hind end----) but I must remember that God brought me here... now.... and He knows what is best for me and Chase!
Can you picture it???? 1 hour, with a nice stranger, to try to tell about the past 22 year's highlights-- or should I say low lights, to try to explain that both Chase and I need to be "fixed"... and we need this stranger's help to do it. Yep-- I must say I think this "mess" takes the prize... the astounded looks were flying around the room for sure! I handled it with laughter.. my new mask... but hey-- easier on the makeup than the tears for sure!!! I only teared up twice... and both of those instances involved speaking about Chase and how he has handled the pain.
Anyway- his credentials seem good... he has alot of background with teenagers... and most importantly.... God put me here! so next week, Lord willing, both Chase and I will return to MMBA.
But here is your sign.... when your counselor asks to pray with you before you leave, and then says that he wants YOU to pray for him too....( with an deer in the head-light look on his face)...... THERE'S YOUR SIGN.... I did good... yea God.... I just said "ok, no problem... it's overwhelming isn't it....??????"
ANYWAY.... tomorrow is another day!
By the way..... the counselor's name is B.J.---- lift him up for me will you?????
I reached out to different places about counseling for Chase and I and asked God to close the doors that needed to close and open the ones that needed to be opened.
(by the way, HE IS REAL GOOD AT THAT-- as 2/18/09 can attest to!!!)
Anyway, I have found myself back at the McMinn- Meigs Baptist Center, a place that I have been before many times... in what I thought was marriage counseling with you know who ( sorry-hard to say or write that person's name)- any way... I am back... but this time to truly HEAL!!!!!It was hard to walk thru those doors- but I had a peace. ( after much deep breathing and claiming God as my King!!) My God IS a BIG GOD!!!! And I know that He is leading me down roads and thru doors to reclaim what is MINE and make memories that are not riddled with hurtful thoughts from the past. They say to conquer you can't just forget- you have to replace... and I am READY TO REPLACE ALL OF THESE HORRIFIC MEMORIES!!!!
Anyway, the counselor seem nice, ( I am wondering if he is too nice... I need someone to give me a swift kick in the hind end----) but I must remember that God brought me here... now.... and He knows what is best for me and Chase!
Can you picture it???? 1 hour, with a nice stranger, to try to tell about the past 22 year's highlights-- or should I say low lights, to try to explain that both Chase and I need to be "fixed"... and we need this stranger's help to do it. Yep-- I must say I think this "mess" takes the prize... the astounded looks were flying around the room for sure! I handled it with laughter.. my new mask... but hey-- easier on the makeup than the tears for sure!!! I only teared up twice... and both of those instances involved speaking about Chase and how he has handled the pain.
Anyway- his credentials seem good... he has alot of background with teenagers... and most importantly.... God put me here! so next week, Lord willing, both Chase and I will return to MMBA.
But here is your sign.... when your counselor asks to pray with you before you leave, and then says that he wants YOU to pray for him too....( with an deer in the head-light look on his face)...... THERE'S YOUR SIGN.... I did good... yea God.... I just said "ok, no problem... it's overwhelming isn't it....??????"
ANYWAY.... tomorrow is another day!
By the way..... the counselor's name is B.J.---- lift him up for me will you?????
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Getting Rid of the Leaven
Carolyn, my SS teacher taught on the Jewish tradition at passover to get rid of the Leaven. Which led to alot of soul searching and prayer.
There has been much upheaval in my life the last 7 weeks, ( it doesn't feel like it has been less that 2 months... it seems like this has been forever... wonder what that means..) and ANYONE who knows me at all knows I do not like CHANGED!!! but God had been speaking to me in His still small voice about getting Craig's stuff out of my home. You see.. he had space not only in my life, my heart,-but my home. He had drawers with his stuff here. clothes that he kept here- taking up room in the dresser. I had the gifts he had given me even as late as this Christmas all over the house-- where it hit me every day like the sucker punch that it is. I had a nightstand full of his letters, I had every gift he had ever given me, I had the workbooks from our marriage seminars and counseling sessions-- all right next to where I laid my head every evening. I had my 'wedding closet' ( as my friends so aptly put it) full of things to run away to my wedding all ready to go-- right down to the undies and jewelry)--
I know-- ISSUES right... !!! Yes- there are issues there-- but they were CAUSED by the lies and promises someone kept making to me... right up until his last visit on 2/11/2009. I so am ready to lay this life down and press on to the one that my Father has for me and my son!!
But- I still have some work to do--- some lessons to learn.... some deep wounds to heal. But I DO know that it is time to GET RID OF THE LEAVEN! And God showed me that this passover season was HIS time that HE designated for me to remove that stuff from my home!
Purging Leaven From the House (Bedikat HaMetz)
God gave a ceremony of searching and removing leaven from the house prior to the festival of Unleavened Bread in preparation for the festival. In Hebrew, this ceremony is called Bedikat HaMetz, which means "the search for leaven" The ceremony is as follows:
The preparation for searching and removing the leaven (Bedikat HaMetz) from the house actually begins before Passover (Pesach). First, the wife thoroughly cleans the house to remove all leaven (HaMetz) from it. In the Bible, leaven (HaMetz) is symbolic of sin.
Spiritual Application (Halacha). Spiritually, the believers in the Messiah Yeshua are the house of G-d (Hebrews 3:6; 1 Peter 2:5; 1 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 2:19). Leaven (sin) is to be cleaned out of our house, which is our body (1 Corinthians 3:16-17; 6:19-20; 2 Corinthians 6:15-18).
In cleaning the house, the wife is instructed to purposely leave ten small pieces of leaven (bread) in the house. Then the father takes the children, along with a candle, a wooden spoon, a feather, and a piece of linen cloth, and searches through the house for the ten pieces of leaven. By nightfall on the day before Passover (Pesach), a final and comprehensive search is performed. At this time, the house is completely dark except for the candles. Once the father finds the leaven (bread), he sets the candle down by the leaven and lays the wooden spoon beside the leaven. Then he uses the feather to sweep the leaven onto the spoon. Without touching the leaven, he takes the feather, spoon, and leaven, wraps them in a linen cloth, and casts them out of the door of the house. The next morning (the fourteenth of Nisan), he goes into the synagogue and puts the linen cloth and its contents into a fire to be burned.
Spiritual Application (Halacha). Spiritually, we are to cleanse the leaven (sin) from our houses (lives) by allowing the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh) to reveal to us, through the knowledge of Yeshua and the Scriptures, the sin that is in our lives. It is only through G-d's Word that we are able to identify sin in our lives as it is written in Psalm (Tehillim) 119:105, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." So the spiritual understanding of the candle is that it represents the Word of G-d. The feather represents the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh). Even though we have the Word of G-d, we need the Spirit of G-d (Ruach HaKodesh) to illuminate the entire Bible to us, including the Torah and the Tanach (1 Corinthians 2:11-14).
Messianic Fulfillment. The spoon represents the tree that Yeshua died upon (Deuteronomy [Devarim 21:22-23). The leaven (HaMetz) (sin) was swept on the spoon (the tree) as part of the ceremony. Likewise, our sin was swept or cast upon Yeshua (2 Corinthians 5:21) when Yeshua died upon the tree. The leaven (Yeshua upon the tree) was then wrapped in linen and Yeshua was cast out of His house (His body) and went to hell, which is a place of burning (Luke 16:19-24). Thus He fulfilled the part of the ceremony where the father takes the linen cloth and its contents and casts it into the fire to be burned.
From Loss to Prophetic Fulfillment
Chuck D. Pierce Newsletters - Prophetic Insight
found at http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/20264-from-loss-to-prophetic-fulfillment
Many of you have heard my family's testimony of overcoming barrenness. The Lord sovereignly healed my wife, Pam, in 1984. She immediately became pregnant, and pregnant again. However, we knew that the faith promise we had received in 1980 of having twins had never been fulfilled by the Lord.
In 1987, after adopting two children and having two natural children, Pam again became pregnant. However, this time we noticed that she was getting larger more quickly than she had with the first two pregnancies. We learned that this was because she indeed was carrying twins! What God had promised was now in motion.
Pam carried the babies to term, and on February 6, 1988, she gave birth to two beautiful identical twin boys, whom we named Jesse David and Jacob Levi. God's promise had been fulfilled!
But something was wrong in their new little bodies. One baby had a serious heart problem, and the other had a serious liver problem. Within one week of their birth, both of our new sons died.
I watched as they were born, and I held them as they died. The grief and mourning were almost overwhelming. The promise of these twins had been the reason that we could believe the barrenness in our lives would be broken, and now, just as it was being fulfilled, that promise had died.
How were we to react? We knew the Lord well enough to know that He was faithful. Actually, what we believed He had promised us had in fact manifested. Had we done something wrong? Were we to keep trusting? Just how were our emotions to be acting?
I was going back and forth between Dallas (visiting the hospital where the twins were being treated) and Denton (where Pam was in the hospital recovering from a C-section). How were we each allowing the Lord to deal with us? How would we process this together? Would we keep progressing?
When the second of our twins died, we had an outdoor memorial service for him. During that service, Pam stood up and sang a beautiful song out over the field where they were interred. It was an incredible moment.
One week after the death of the second baby, a friend called and said she had a real problem with the fact that God had allowed the boys' deaths. She was also having a problem with how Pam was dealing with this trauma—with seemingly unshakable faith.
One of the most impacting things I have ever heard anyone say came from my wife's mouth that day. Pam told our friend, "If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that the quicker I submit to the hand of God, the quicker I can resist the devil. I have chosen to submit to God's hand in this circumstance. And in submitting to the hand of God, He will give me the ability to overcome the enemy so that the double portion that has been robbed will be returned."
The Lord was speaking through my wonderful wife. Those words went deep into my spirit, and I have carried them since that time.
Here's how this applies to you: Even when you don't understand what has happened in your life, in the midst of your loss and resulting grief, you need to learn to submit quickly to God's greater plan for your life.
When we submit, we stand under. The concept of submitting is the act of allowing the wing of His goodness and grace to spread over us and shelter us from the accusatory thoughts of the enemy, the fray of the world and the condemnation of our own mistakes. If we always submit our lives to God, then we can resist the roadblocks in our destined path.
Truly, Pam and I eventually learned from this situation that loss has great benefit when we submit. We must allow God to work our situations for good and respond to His love no matter how difficult our circumstances may be.
Pam and I both were able to recognize that even in this trauma of the loss of two children, God was working out a higher-level promise of restoration on our behalf. Loss can produce a great acknowledgement of God within us if we submit to His hand.
Those incredibly hard things that we go through will truly become some sort of blessing in the hand of the Lord and will produce a greater prophetic fulfillment in our lives. Yes, a sad, bad, unbearable time can become a joy-filled moment when we place that moment in the hand of God and give Him thanks for the moment.
Time then takes a turn. The harsh memory of pain from the loss of expected joy can now be redeemed. That situation can become a transforming work of grace that can be seen in you for a lifetime.
Thank you God for the friends you have placed in my life to guide and affirm me. Thank you for loving me enough to ALWAYS be there for me! Thank you for never giving up on me and helping me to see that YOUR ways are not my ways--- but YOUR ways are the best for me. Thank you for loving me enough to send your son to die on the cross for me so that today I can claim a victory in you! Thank you for helping me identify the leaven in my life and giving the strength to get rid of it!!!
My prayer is that this RESURRECTION SUNDAY is not only remembrance of the rolling away of the stone for our risen SAVIOR, but TRANSFORMATION of a new life for me and Chase as we begin a journey that will take us to new and better places!
There has been much upheaval in my life the last 7 weeks, ( it doesn't feel like it has been less that 2 months... it seems like this has been forever... wonder what that means..) and ANYONE who knows me at all knows I do not like CHANGED!!! but God had been speaking to me in His still small voice about getting Craig's stuff out of my home. You see.. he had space not only in my life, my heart,-but my home. He had drawers with his stuff here. clothes that he kept here- taking up room in the dresser. I had the gifts he had given me even as late as this Christmas all over the house-- where it hit me every day like the sucker punch that it is. I had a nightstand full of his letters, I had every gift he had ever given me, I had the workbooks from our marriage seminars and counseling sessions-- all right next to where I laid my head every evening. I had my 'wedding closet' ( as my friends so aptly put it) full of things to run away to my wedding all ready to go-- right down to the undies and jewelry)--
I know-- ISSUES right... !!! Yes- there are issues there-- but they were CAUSED by the lies and promises someone kept making to me... right up until his last visit on 2/11/2009. I so am ready to lay this life down and press on to the one that my Father has for me and my son!!
But- I still have some work to do--- some lessons to learn.... some deep wounds to heal. But I DO know that it is time to GET RID OF THE LEAVEN! And God showed me that this passover season was HIS time that HE designated for me to remove that stuff from my home!
Purging Leaven From the House (Bedikat HaMetz)
God gave a ceremony of searching and removing leaven from the house prior to the festival of Unleavened Bread in preparation for the festival. In Hebrew, this ceremony is called Bedikat HaMetz, which means "the search for leaven" The ceremony is as follows:
The preparation for searching and removing the leaven (Bedikat HaMetz) from the house actually begins before Passover (Pesach). First, the wife thoroughly cleans the house to remove all leaven (HaMetz) from it. In the Bible, leaven (HaMetz) is symbolic of sin.
Spiritual Application (Halacha). Spiritually, the believers in the Messiah Yeshua are the house of G-d (Hebrews 3:6; 1 Peter 2:5; 1 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 2:19). Leaven (sin) is to be cleaned out of our house, which is our body (1 Corinthians 3:16-17; 6:19-20; 2 Corinthians 6:15-18).
In cleaning the house, the wife is instructed to purposely leave ten small pieces of leaven (bread) in the house. Then the father takes the children, along with a candle, a wooden spoon, a feather, and a piece of linen cloth, and searches through the house for the ten pieces of leaven. By nightfall on the day before Passover (Pesach), a final and comprehensive search is performed. At this time, the house is completely dark except for the candles. Once the father finds the leaven (bread), he sets the candle down by the leaven and lays the wooden spoon beside the leaven. Then he uses the feather to sweep the leaven onto the spoon. Without touching the leaven, he takes the feather, spoon, and leaven, wraps them in a linen cloth, and casts them out of the door of the house. The next morning (the fourteenth of Nisan), he goes into the synagogue and puts the linen cloth and its contents into a fire to be burned.
Spiritual Application (Halacha). Spiritually, we are to cleanse the leaven (sin) from our houses (lives) by allowing the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh) to reveal to us, through the knowledge of Yeshua and the Scriptures, the sin that is in our lives. It is only through G-d's Word that we are able to identify sin in our lives as it is written in Psalm (Tehillim) 119:105, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." So the spiritual understanding of the candle is that it represents the Word of G-d. The feather represents the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh). Even though we have the Word of G-d, we need the Spirit of G-d (Ruach HaKodesh) to illuminate the entire Bible to us, including the Torah and the Tanach (1 Corinthians 2:11-14).
Messianic Fulfillment. The spoon represents the tree that Yeshua died upon (Deuteronomy [Devarim 21:22-23). The leaven (HaMetz) (sin) was swept on the spoon (the tree) as part of the ceremony. Likewise, our sin was swept or cast upon Yeshua (2 Corinthians 5:21) when Yeshua died upon the tree. The leaven (Yeshua upon the tree) was then wrapped in linen and Yeshua was cast out of His house (His body) and went to hell, which is a place of burning (Luke 16:19-24). Thus He fulfilled the part of the ceremony where the father takes the linen cloth and its contents and casts it into the fire to be burned.
From Loss to Prophetic Fulfillment
Chuck D. Pierce Newsletters - Prophetic Insight
found at http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/20264-from-loss-to-prophetic-fulfillment
Many of you have heard my family's testimony of overcoming barrenness. The Lord sovereignly healed my wife, Pam, in 1984. She immediately became pregnant, and pregnant again. However, we knew that the faith promise we had received in 1980 of having twins had never been fulfilled by the Lord.
In 1987, after adopting two children and having two natural children, Pam again became pregnant. However, this time we noticed that she was getting larger more quickly than she had with the first two pregnancies. We learned that this was because she indeed was carrying twins! What God had promised was now in motion.
Pam carried the babies to term, and on February 6, 1988, she gave birth to two beautiful identical twin boys, whom we named Jesse David and Jacob Levi. God's promise had been fulfilled!
But something was wrong in their new little bodies. One baby had a serious heart problem, and the other had a serious liver problem. Within one week of their birth, both of our new sons died.
I watched as they were born, and I held them as they died. The grief and mourning were almost overwhelming. The promise of these twins had been the reason that we could believe the barrenness in our lives would be broken, and now, just as it was being fulfilled, that promise had died.
How were we to react? We knew the Lord well enough to know that He was faithful. Actually, what we believed He had promised us had in fact manifested. Had we done something wrong? Were we to keep trusting? Just how were our emotions to be acting?
I was going back and forth between Dallas (visiting the hospital where the twins were being treated) and Denton (where Pam was in the hospital recovering from a C-section). How were we each allowing the Lord to deal with us? How would we process this together? Would we keep progressing?
When the second of our twins died, we had an outdoor memorial service for him. During that service, Pam stood up and sang a beautiful song out over the field where they were interred. It was an incredible moment.
One week after the death of the second baby, a friend called and said she had a real problem with the fact that God had allowed the boys' deaths. She was also having a problem with how Pam was dealing with this trauma—with seemingly unshakable faith.
One of the most impacting things I have ever heard anyone say came from my wife's mouth that day. Pam told our friend, "If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that the quicker I submit to the hand of God, the quicker I can resist the devil. I have chosen to submit to God's hand in this circumstance. And in submitting to the hand of God, He will give me the ability to overcome the enemy so that the double portion that has been robbed will be returned."
The Lord was speaking through my wonderful wife. Those words went deep into my spirit, and I have carried them since that time.
Here's how this applies to you: Even when you don't understand what has happened in your life, in the midst of your loss and resulting grief, you need to learn to submit quickly to God's greater plan for your life.
When we submit, we stand under. The concept of submitting is the act of allowing the wing of His goodness and grace to spread over us and shelter us from the accusatory thoughts of the enemy, the fray of the world and the condemnation of our own mistakes. If we always submit our lives to God, then we can resist the roadblocks in our destined path.
Truly, Pam and I eventually learned from this situation that loss has great benefit when we submit. We must allow God to work our situations for good and respond to His love no matter how difficult our circumstances may be.
Pam and I both were able to recognize that even in this trauma of the loss of two children, God was working out a higher-level promise of restoration on our behalf. Loss can produce a great acknowledgement of God within us if we submit to His hand.
Those incredibly hard things that we go through will truly become some sort of blessing in the hand of the Lord and will produce a greater prophetic fulfillment in our lives. Yes, a sad, bad, unbearable time can become a joy-filled moment when we place that moment in the hand of God and give Him thanks for the moment.
Time then takes a turn. The harsh memory of pain from the loss of expected joy can now be redeemed. That situation can become a transforming work of grace that can be seen in you for a lifetime.
Thank you God for the friends you have placed in my life to guide and affirm me. Thank you for loving me enough to ALWAYS be there for me! Thank you for never giving up on me and helping me to see that YOUR ways are not my ways--- but YOUR ways are the best for me. Thank you for loving me enough to send your son to die on the cross for me so that today I can claim a victory in you! Thank you for helping me identify the leaven in my life and giving the strength to get rid of it!!!
My prayer is that this RESURRECTION SUNDAY is not only remembrance of the rolling away of the stone for our risen SAVIOR, but TRANSFORMATION of a new life for me and Chase as we begin a journey that will take us to new and better places!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Lovin' the Bunny!
Today was the City's Easter Egg Hunt.... I PERSONALLY thought the BUNNY WAS AWESOME!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Beauty for Ashes
Once again- God blesses with the blogs.....
I hope the authors do not mind- me taking their words... but they have been so helpful... and in these times when it is still hard for me to get my mind around my own thoughts... I do so want to have a record of where my God is leading me ... and the path that I KNOW will lead me to the High Places.....
Kerry Hasenblag
http://www.kerryhasenbalg.typepad.com/
April 03, 2009
God's Rate of Exchange
One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. Psalm 27:4
Oh, Lord, may this truly be the “one thing” we ask and desire above all else. We desperately need the beauty and wisdom of your presence to replace our pain and confusion.
“Beauty for Ashes. Life for death. Cleansing for sin. Joy for sorrow. These are God’s rates of exchange. These are the necessary funds that we are to bring in our commerce. Our minds do not perceive nor comprehend this divine exchange, but our spirits know and rejoice. We have nothing to bring but these products of our old nature, but God turns them to beauty, to joy, to hope. We must choose to see and behold how blessed are those who trust in God.” (Helms excerpt)
If we will take the “risk” and “let go” of the ashes, the death, the sin and the sorrow that so many of us are carrying around, if we will turn them over, entrusting them into the Hands of the Lord, we will “know” at last that what we receive in exchange from His hand is freedom, healing, joy, beauty and life!
In my writings several years ago, I was addressing some of the unexpected and difficult issues that can arise in the adoption process or in the lives of orphaned children. In this series, I shared a story about a boy with broken toys who was seeking the toymaker for help. And I believe this story is applicable not only in the disappointments we often face in serving vulnerable children but also in many other aspects of our Christian walks as well.
We know God is at work giving us beauty for our ashes, but sadly, there are many times when the ashes seem to remain even after we have poured our hearts and souls into a cure.
There once was a boy who had many broken toys. So, this boy took his toys to the toymaker and asked, “Will you fix my broken toys?” The toymaker replied, “I most certainly will.” The next day the little boy looked at his toys and much to his disappointment he saw that his toys were still broken, so he asked the toymaker again, “Will you please fix my broken toys?” And again the toymaker replied exactly as He did the first time, “Yes, I most certainly will.” The following day the boy looked and once again found that his toys were still broken. So, he decided to ask the toymaker a different question, “Sir, if you said you would fix my broken toys, why have you not done it yet?” And the toymaker answered, “Because you will not let go of them!”
In order for God to turn our ashes into beauty, we must be willing to let go and entrust our ashes to Him! As we bring our ashes to the foot of the cross, let us believe that He will be faithful to exchange our ashes for beauty in His time and in His way.
And when we are wiling to take this "risk" and really "let go"of our controlling and fearful grip on these things, we will finally have the opportunity to “see” for ourselves how things work in the Lord’s economy. And I believe the experiencing of this exchange process is what builds our trust in God and teaches us to desire His blessed presence with an undivided heart in all things and above all things.
(Recommended Reading for those struggling - "Let Go" by Francois Fenelon)
I hope the authors do not mind- me taking their words... but they have been so helpful... and in these times when it is still hard for me to get my mind around my own thoughts... I do so want to have a record of where my God is leading me ... and the path that I KNOW will lead me to the High Places.....
Kerry Hasenblag
http://www.kerryhasenbalg.typepad.com/
April 03, 2009
God's Rate of Exchange
One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. Psalm 27:4
Oh, Lord, may this truly be the “one thing” we ask and desire above all else. We desperately need the beauty and wisdom of your presence to replace our pain and confusion.
“Beauty for Ashes. Life for death. Cleansing for sin. Joy for sorrow. These are God’s rates of exchange. These are the necessary funds that we are to bring in our commerce. Our minds do not perceive nor comprehend this divine exchange, but our spirits know and rejoice. We have nothing to bring but these products of our old nature, but God turns them to beauty, to joy, to hope. We must choose to see and behold how blessed are those who trust in God.” (Helms excerpt)
If we will take the “risk” and “let go” of the ashes, the death, the sin and the sorrow that so many of us are carrying around, if we will turn them over, entrusting them into the Hands of the Lord, we will “know” at last that what we receive in exchange from His hand is freedom, healing, joy, beauty and life!
In my writings several years ago, I was addressing some of the unexpected and difficult issues that can arise in the adoption process or in the lives of orphaned children. In this series, I shared a story about a boy with broken toys who was seeking the toymaker for help. And I believe this story is applicable not only in the disappointments we often face in serving vulnerable children but also in many other aspects of our Christian walks as well.
We know God is at work giving us beauty for our ashes, but sadly, there are many times when the ashes seem to remain even after we have poured our hearts and souls into a cure.
There once was a boy who had many broken toys. So, this boy took his toys to the toymaker and asked, “Will you fix my broken toys?” The toymaker replied, “I most certainly will.” The next day the little boy looked at his toys and much to his disappointment he saw that his toys were still broken, so he asked the toymaker again, “Will you please fix my broken toys?” And again the toymaker replied exactly as He did the first time, “Yes, I most certainly will.” The following day the boy looked and once again found that his toys were still broken. So, he decided to ask the toymaker a different question, “Sir, if you said you would fix my broken toys, why have you not done it yet?” And the toymaker answered, “Because you will not let go of them!”
In order for God to turn our ashes into beauty, we must be willing to let go and entrust our ashes to Him! As we bring our ashes to the foot of the cross, let us believe that He will be faithful to exchange our ashes for beauty in His time and in His way.
And when we are wiling to take this "risk" and really "let go"of our controlling and fearful grip on these things, we will finally have the opportunity to “see” for ourselves how things work in the Lord’s economy. And I believe the experiencing of this exchange process is what builds our trust in God and teaches us to desire His blessed presence with an undivided heart in all things and above all things.
(Recommended Reading for those struggling - "Let Go" by Francois Fenelon)
From 5 minutes for Faith
http://5minutesforfaith.com/
April 2, 2009
Time in a Bottle
Written by Amy
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Have you ever shaken a bottle of something to make what’s inside come out faster? You know… the shampoo bottle, the ketchup bottle, or the squeezable jelly bottle. Sometimes when you shake the contents of a bottle to the opening, you get what’s inside to move faster.
This morning my daughter and I were in the bathroom getting dressed for school. We have those two minute sand timers for the kids to use while brushing their teeth so they know exactly how long to brush. I watched amused as my daughter tapped on the top of the timer trying to get the sand to move through the hole faster. She hates brushing and is always in such a hurry to finish. I tried to explain that timers don’t work the same way as the shampoo bottle. You can’t tap on it or shake it or do anything else to manipulate it to go faster. It’s set for a specific amount of time to pass and nothing we do can change it.
I realized as I explained to my daughter how timers work, that God’s timer works the same way. So often we are in such a hurry to finish what we are doing or what He is calling us to go through, that we try to rush it along. We “tap” or “shake” or manipulate the situation trying to make the time pass faster. No matter what we do, we can’t change the amount of time God has set aside for us to endure certain things. We must trust He knows exactly how long should pass before the last grain of sand falls through and the job is complete.
But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Psalm 34:14-16
http://5minutesforfaith.com/
April 2, 2009
Time in a Bottle
Written by Amy
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Have you ever shaken a bottle of something to make what’s inside come out faster? You know… the shampoo bottle, the ketchup bottle, or the squeezable jelly bottle. Sometimes when you shake the contents of a bottle to the opening, you get what’s inside to move faster.
This morning my daughter and I were in the bathroom getting dressed for school. We have those two minute sand timers for the kids to use while brushing their teeth so they know exactly how long to brush. I watched amused as my daughter tapped on the top of the timer trying to get the sand to move through the hole faster. She hates brushing and is always in such a hurry to finish. I tried to explain that timers don’t work the same way as the shampoo bottle. You can’t tap on it or shake it or do anything else to manipulate it to go faster. It’s set for a specific amount of time to pass and nothing we do can change it.
I realized as I explained to my daughter how timers work, that God’s timer works the same way. So often we are in such a hurry to finish what we are doing or what He is calling us to go through, that we try to rush it along. We “tap” or “shake” or manipulate the situation trying to make the time pass faster. No matter what we do, we can’t change the amount of time God has set aside for us to endure certain things. We must trust He knows exactly how long should pass before the last grain of sand falls through and the job is complete.
But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Psalm 34:14-16
Thursday, April 2, 2009
God's Many Blessings!
Many of you know of my connection to the adoption community thru my wonderful spunky niece Kenli! She is truly a blessing in SO many ways! I knew that she was a blessing from the beginning- even before I ever saw her face. And the many ways she has touched lives already is amazing. BUT, one of the things I never expected was to be introduced to so many different people in blog-land- thru the connections that I originally made thru her blog.
It amazes me how God uses EVERYTHING in our lives to bless us. And it also amazes me how even though my MESS is so different from some of the journeys that others in blog-land are taking.... God uses them and their trials and blessings to minister to me.
There have been so many times in the past few weeks, since the discovery of the truth that is now my reality, that some of the blogs I have been on- though their experience have NOTHING in common with mine... that God has used their experiences to shore me up and comfort me. Here is a part of a message from an mother waiting on God to bring her Lydia Hope...
http://lydiahope.blogspot.com/
He leads me in His way, not mine
The many questions which arise from time to time, concerning the timing of the adoption of Lydia Hope, seem to have been answered recently. I always like to have a reason for why certain things happen or do not happen according to my time frame but as of late I have recognised that God simply wants to demonstrate His sovereignty. He really does have my best in mind and He is continually working EVERYTHING together for the good of my family and especially Lydia. It does not matter that I do not understand why things are not accomplished in my timeframe! I do not see what God sees and what possible dangers He may be keeping us from and what blessings He may wish to bestow upon us. It is not that I have failed miserably, (though I have many, many times) but that is not why the Lord with holds His answers from me during this time. It is not that I have mistaken His calling to step out and adopt this little girl. It is simply that He desires for me to trust Him completely even when things are difficult. He wants me to accept that He does know the route I should take and how long it will take to reach our destination. His way is safer, though longer, and there are many treasures along the way which He has laid before me. Treasures of patience and perseverance and joy. Of contentment in Him alone and denial of myself. There are many wonderful treasures which I would miss if I hurried to the place I desire to be. There are people I would pass by, hurting sisters who are also traveling along this same road. Sometimes this journey can take longer because God wants us to stop and help someone else along the way. This path I have chosen has many unexpected trials and blessings waiting for me and opportunities for me to grow. I am learning more than anything else right now, that I must truly allow Jesus to lead me and stop trying to lead Him. His way is the way I am choosing to travel and if that means it will take longer than I'd have liked, then so be it. I am just thankful that He travels this path with me, side by side.
"Stop interfering with God's plans and with His will. Touching anything of His mars the work. Moving the hands of a clock to suit you does not change the time. You may be able to rush the unfolding of some aspects of God's will, but you harm His work in the long run. You can force a rosebud open, but you spoil the flower. Leave everything to Him, without exception.
God sent me on when I would stay
('Twas cool within the wood);
I did not know the reason why.
I heard a boulder crashing by
'Cross the path where I had stood.
He had me stay when I would go;
"Your will be done" I said.
They found one day at early dawn,
Across the way I would have gone,
A serpent with a mangled head.
I ask no more the reasons why,
Although I may not see
The path ahead, His way I go;
For though I know not, He does know,
And He will choose safe paths for me.
What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. Job 3:25
Although, I have never really been a fearful person, this past year I found myself seriously riddled with fear. I spoke against it, prayed against it, stood against it, and kept taking the fearful thoughts captive; but I was never really totally free from it, at least not for more than a few days at a time. Not free that is until the thing I feared the most happened to me.
I wish I could have been freed another way, a way other than through the loss of another child. But for whatever reason I wasn’t freed beforehand. I couldn’t get myself there. I am sure the problem of becoming free was on my part and not God’s. But with all the spiritual tools I had, I couldn’t figure out how to use them sufficiently to get myself there. I know that we often remain in sin, (and I know fear is sin), because we are still getting something from it, benefiting in some way small way at least. And I suppose I felt that I held some sort of control in my relationship with God by not fully laying down my fear. Perhaps it was as if I thought He would take pity on me because of my fear and grant me this desire for mercy’s sake. Amazing how messed up we humans can be. And I sure am human in this messed up way too.
Anyhow, I fell off that very cliff - the cliff I stared at and feared profoundly this entire year. But as God promised He would, He did in fact catch me before I was crushed. But I really hate that I had to fall again...to really know by experience that He would catch me again. As Job said, (and I paraphrase) I had heard this about God but now I see Him with my own eyes.
I know I did not cause this loss, but the fact that I could not stop fearing that I would lose this one really disappoints me....well, it just plain stinks! I am no longer afraid, at least not now – I am just very sad! I really believe that fear often comes from placing something, some desire, or someone over desiring Him and His presence. I desired the presence of another child more than I desired ONLY Him! Of course I desired Him, but I so wanted Him to show up with child or at least the promise of when and how this desire would be fulfilled. It’s like the child who is waiting for his Daddy to come home, but when his daddy arrives without the gift the child asked for the child shows only disappointment. And the great blessing of the child running into daddy’s arms just because Daddy arrived home is totally eclipsed or even absent all together. I have been that child in my relationship with God, but I couldn’t see that I was. I wanted my heavenly Father to show up and be with me everyday, I love being with the Lord! But I so wanted him to show up with this present of another child in hand (or at least a time frame of when the present would come) so much so that my desire, my control, and my fear eclipsed the simple love and excitement of my daddy coming unto me.
However, when the great sorrow and suffering came what I wanted and needed most of all was the simple presence of my heavenly daddy. And the thing I feared the most now was His absence. But He was not absent. I called and He came and He held me. And in that time, He reminded me that His will and His timing for what He gives or does not give to us is all done out of love for us. And I believe Him. Through this, God has brought me to a new place. A place that certainly does not desire more heartache or one which will not still express my deep desires to God, but rather a place which more fully trusts the will of my Heavenly Father come what may. So, now I pray the Words of God's own son, Jesus, "Abba, (Daddy), Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will. Mark 14:36
And what a very appropriate word I received from my friend, Joni, today based on
It amazes me how God uses EVERYTHING in our lives to bless us. And it also amazes me how even though my MESS is so different from some of the journeys that others in blog-land are taking.... God uses them and their trials and blessings to minister to me.
There have been so many times in the past few weeks, since the discovery of the truth that is now my reality, that some of the blogs I have been on- though their experience have NOTHING in common with mine... that God has used their experiences to shore me up and comfort me. Here is a part of a message from an mother waiting on God to bring her Lydia Hope...
http://lydiahope.blogspot.com/
He leads me in His way, not mine
The many questions which arise from time to time, concerning the timing of the adoption of Lydia Hope, seem to have been answered recently. I always like to have a reason for why certain things happen or do not happen according to my time frame but as of late I have recognised that God simply wants to demonstrate His sovereignty. He really does have my best in mind and He is continually working EVERYTHING together for the good of my family and especially Lydia. It does not matter that I do not understand why things are not accomplished in my timeframe! I do not see what God sees and what possible dangers He may be keeping us from and what blessings He may wish to bestow upon us. It is not that I have failed miserably, (though I have many, many times) but that is not why the Lord with holds His answers from me during this time. It is not that I have mistaken His calling to step out and adopt this little girl. It is simply that He desires for me to trust Him completely even when things are difficult. He wants me to accept that He does know the route I should take and how long it will take to reach our destination. His way is safer, though longer, and there are many treasures along the way which He has laid before me. Treasures of patience and perseverance and joy. Of contentment in Him alone and denial of myself. There are many wonderful treasures which I would miss if I hurried to the place I desire to be. There are people I would pass by, hurting sisters who are also traveling along this same road. Sometimes this journey can take longer because God wants us to stop and help someone else along the way. This path I have chosen has many unexpected trials and blessings waiting for me and opportunities for me to grow. I am learning more than anything else right now, that I must truly allow Jesus to lead me and stop trying to lead Him. His way is the way I am choosing to travel and if that means it will take longer than I'd have liked, then so be it. I am just thankful that He travels this path with me, side by side.
"Stop interfering with God's plans and with His will. Touching anything of His mars the work. Moving the hands of a clock to suit you does not change the time. You may be able to rush the unfolding of some aspects of God's will, but you harm His work in the long run. You can force a rosebud open, but you spoil the flower. Leave everything to Him, without exception.
"Not what I will, but what you will" " Stephen Merritt
God sent me on when I would stay
('Twas cool within the wood);
I did not know the reason why.
I heard a boulder crashing by
'Cross the path where I had stood.
He had me stay when I would go;
"Your will be done" I said.
They found one day at early dawn,
Across the way I would have gone,
A serpent with a mangled head.
I ask no more the reasons why,
Although I may not see
The path ahead, His way I go;
For though I know not, He does know,
And He will choose safe paths for me.
And then this blog post by Kerry Hasenbalg, a wonderful spirit filled lady- ( not even sure how I found her blog-who am I kidding??? GOD did it!!!) Anyway- she has suffered a great loss of another child and she has written so many thoughts that again-- although not the SAME pain- it spoke to my heart and soul.... as God IS a big God.... and he is using what I need to show me the path he has set before me!
April 02, 2009
Did Daddy Bring Me A Present?
Did Daddy Bring Me A Present?
What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. Job 3:25
Although, I have never really been a fearful person, this past year I found myself seriously riddled with fear. I spoke against it, prayed against it, stood against it, and kept taking the fearful thoughts captive; but I was never really totally free from it, at least not for more than a few days at a time. Not free that is until the thing I feared the most happened to me.
I wish I could have been freed another way, a way other than through the loss of another child. But for whatever reason I wasn’t freed beforehand. I couldn’t get myself there. I am sure the problem of becoming free was on my part and not God’s. But with all the spiritual tools I had, I couldn’t figure out how to use them sufficiently to get myself there. I know that we often remain in sin, (and I know fear is sin), because we are still getting something from it, benefiting in some way small way at least. And I suppose I felt that I held some sort of control in my relationship with God by not fully laying down my fear. Perhaps it was as if I thought He would take pity on me because of my fear and grant me this desire for mercy’s sake. Amazing how messed up we humans can be. And I sure am human in this messed up way too.
Anyhow, I fell off that very cliff - the cliff I stared at and feared profoundly this entire year. But as God promised He would, He did in fact catch me before I was crushed. But I really hate that I had to fall again...to really know by experience that He would catch me again. As Job said, (and I paraphrase) I had heard this about God but now I see Him with my own eyes.
I know I did not cause this loss, but the fact that I could not stop fearing that I would lose this one really disappoints me....well, it just plain stinks! I am no longer afraid, at least not now – I am just very sad! I really believe that fear often comes from placing something, some desire, or someone over desiring Him and His presence. I desired the presence of another child more than I desired ONLY Him! Of course I desired Him, but I so wanted Him to show up with child or at least the promise of when and how this desire would be fulfilled. It’s like the child who is waiting for his Daddy to come home, but when his daddy arrives without the gift the child asked for the child shows only disappointment. And the great blessing of the child running into daddy’s arms just because Daddy arrived home is totally eclipsed or even absent all together. I have been that child in my relationship with God, but I couldn’t see that I was. I wanted my heavenly Father to show up and be with me everyday, I love being with the Lord! But I so wanted him to show up with this present of another child in hand (or at least a time frame of when the present would come) so much so that my desire, my control, and my fear eclipsed the simple love and excitement of my daddy coming unto me.
However, when the great sorrow and suffering came what I wanted and needed most of all was the simple presence of my heavenly daddy. And the thing I feared the most now was His absence. But He was not absent. I called and He came and He held me. And in that time, He reminded me that His will and His timing for what He gives or does not give to us is all done out of love for us. And I believe Him. Through this, God has brought me to a new place. A place that certainly does not desire more heartache or one which will not still express my deep desires to God, but rather a place which more fully trusts the will of my Heavenly Father come what may. So, now I pray the Words of God's own son, Jesus, "Abba, (Daddy), Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will. Mark 14:36
And what a very appropriate word I received from my friend, Joni, today based on
I Peter 4:1-2, "Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want."
WOW GOD!!!!
YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
Those words all could have been mine....(of course replacing their trials with mine....) their words are so eloquently put- far greater than mine- but so heartfelt... and what I needed to hear.... our God is amazing... He works miracles everyday... He led me to these blogs months before I would need them.... for a totally different reason.... isn't God wonderful!!!!
I need to see Him in all the little things He does for me. I need to remember that even though I don't understand... I followed HIs leading... and did as He asked, to reconcile my marriage and family-- HE did it for a reason that HE knows and understands. He kept me in this pattern until HIS time was right, until HE had all the i's dotted and t's crossed. I might not EVER understand the why's.... and I pray that some day I will no longer ask that question of Him. I pray someday I can look back and see that this was one of the greatest moments in my life. That He used this horrible mess to draw me to Him...to close doors that no one else could close... to open doors that no one else could open... to hold me closer than He ever had.... to make me listen diligently for His voice....to heal me of all my wounds and make me the vessel He needs to take me and mine to a higher place..... never again to call me "Much Afraid"....
from the book Hinds Feet on High Places...
"At last," He said, as she knelt speechless at His feet, " at last you are here and the 'night of weeping is over and joy comes to you in the morning. ' " Then, lifting her up, He continued, " this is the time when you are to receive the fulfillment of the promises. Never am I to call you Much-Afraid again." At that He laughed again and said, " I will write upon her a new name, the name of her God. The Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly" (Psalms 84:11). "This is your new name," he declared. "From henceforth you are Grace and Glory".
God, my Father.... help me....... make me YOUR Grace and Glory!!!!!!!
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